Oh man, it’s cruel. You spend your teenage years praying that you won’t get a boner in public, then before you know it, you’re dreaming of someone pointing and laughing at your awkward erection just so you know that it still exists.
The (not so) hard truth
If life is pain, the penis is…I don’t know, I guess it’s weird more than anything. Like, have you looked at it closely? It’s just there, hanging, all the time. Deep down, every man is terrified of his penis not working properly, but it’s something that a lot of us will go through. Around half of Australian men over the age of 45 suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED), while younger fellas struggle to fly the flag more often than you’d think.
A 2016 paper found that 48% of Australian men aged 18–24 suffered from sexual difficulties of some description, though the term ‘sexual difficulties’ covers more than a lack of erections. It could mean a lack of interest in sex, ED or even premature ejaculation – the holy trinity of dick-centric grievances. The bottom line is this: what goes up, must come down, and unfortunately it sometimes stays down a little longer than we would’ve hoped.
Why is my penis feeling down?
Who knows? There are a thousand possible explanations for your penis playing silly buggers. Maybe you’re just getting older. Well, you’re definitely getting older; what I mean is, maybe you’re having less erections because you’re getting older, which is totally normal. That said, there are still 999 other possible reasons, which could be physiological, psychological, or perhaps both. First step? Go and talk to your GP. And don’t be nervous, they’ve heard it all before.
But wait, I don’t feel comfortable talking about that kind of stuff
Too bad. The fact is, there’s an issue with your penis and it’s not going to fix itself. Want to know the scariest words I’ve ever said? ‘There’s something wrong with my penis.’ I was 17 and had this condition called phimosis, which meant my foreskin (R.I.P) was too tight. I knew for years that something was wrong, but I was too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone. For three, four years, all I could think about was my weird penis, but then I finally came out with it and told my doctor AND my mum. It was terrifying, but you know what? As soon as I told them, everything was fine. They didn’t call me a failure; they just booked me in for a circumcision and now I have a really cool penis that doesn’t cause me excruciating pain or embarrassment. How good is that?